What's a Woman to Wear?
A Response to John Dodds
By Deb Pero
(Article to which this responds.)
Outfits.
First of all, please see attached photo of a certain group of (mostly) VHTRC runners. I call your attention to the gentleman on the far right, who shall remain unnamed, but whose initials are Keith Knipling. I am tempted to comment further, but, on second thought, I'll just say, "exactly who dressed you, Keith?" Speaking of color match, thanks to John, I have a new selection of bandanas in an exciting array of colors. I can accidentally pull out almost any hue I need for the day's attire. Still looking for something in celery green, though. Hint, hint.
Jog Bras.
Does it alarm anybody else here that John seems to spend an inordinate amount of time reading magazines like "Shape" and the jog bra sections of Road Runners Sports? Next thing you know, John will be wearing outfits. And speaking of spillage, I want you to know that this ill-fitting bra problem is on the level of a national epidemic. Just today, at the newspaper I work for, we received a press release for our calendar of events. I am not kidding about this. A local department store is having a "bra fitting event" to help women with this very issue. If you like, John, I can tell you times and dates. I, for one, don't really have a problem with spillage, unless, of course, I happened to put the bra on backwards. For the rest of you guys out there, who, unlike John, don't have the time to do serious research into the subject, I will give you a crash course on jog bras.
| | What the technical specification says | What it really means |
|---|
| 1. | High impact support | Can you say "uni-boob"? |
| 2. | Breathability | Watch out for "headlights" |
| 3. | Wicking fabric | Same as #2, only more expensive |
| 4. | Low impact support for C&D cups | There will be spillage |
Buckles.
When I first started running 100 mile races, someone asked me, "Why?" I answered them, and they said, "That's dumb. So, what do you get for it?" " A buckle", I replied. "A buckle? Do you wear it?" "No", I said, and then I got to thinking. Not only do I spend all this time, money, and misery for a fashion accessory, I spend all this time, money, and misery for a fashion accessory that I DON'T EVEN WEAR!!! So, I suggest we start giving out Teva running sandals as finishers awards. (Note the photo of John (pre-buckle days) and Gary. What color are those shorts, John?)
Exploded Potatoes and Yoo-Hoo.
We didn't get to go to the party at Catoctin, or the race that preceded it. My daughter is about to have a baby, and we need to stay close to home. The phrase "exploded potatoes" sort of reminded me of that. I do remember last year that Steve was laying down on a picnic table after the run trying not to puke, and Gary handed him a Yoo-Hoo. I just thought I'd ask, "exactly how many of you would drink a Yoo-Hoo in "puking is imminent" mode? That's what I thought. Anyway, Gary, I really enjoyed that Yoo-Hoo. But next time, can you have some Dr. Pepper as well?
Weather.
Though this wasn't really a part of John's report, I just thought I'd bring it up. Ever since we got home from Hardrock, it has been raining. No, I mean it. Raining - The kind of rain we had at Massanutten this year. Day after day after day....I was looking at the wall near the office here earlier this week, and noticed some dark spots. On closer inspection, I discovered that we are actually growing mold in the house from all the humidity. With all this moisture in the air, I haven't been able to get the laundry to dry. As a result, I 've run out of (among other things) clean, dry jog bras. Maybe I can find a use for all those buckles after all.
Deb Pero