Women Trail Runners: The Real Story -- A Response to John Dodds

By Margie Schlundt

[Editor's Note: This is a response to an essay that appeared previously in the Forum by John Dodds on Women Trail Runners.]

Now Mr. Dodds has written a diffuse essay on women trail runners and the VHTRC has published it. Its purported purpose was to share his observations and experiences over the three-plus years of running trails with women as a public service to those guys who might be asked to run with a group that includes women. Guys, I hope that you form your own opinions based on your own experiences.

First, let me state that I masticate, urinate, defecate, expectorate, perspire, emit disagreeable odors, and experience flatulence. I did not know that these bodily functions were the exclusive domain of the male species.

To spare readers of the superfluousness of the original diatribe, I will address the points elaborated upon by Mr. Dodds in abbreviated form.

They're So Vain. Machiavelli said: "Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, because it belongs to everybody to see you, to few to come in touch with you. Everyone sees what you appear to be, few really know who you are."

Modesty. Note to self: Do not dress as Lady Godiva at the Bull Run 50 miler.

Green Ball. Henceforth, I will refer to balls as testicles.

Post-Run Transition (PRT) Period. The PRT varies in length, usually heavy at first and tapering off at the end. There is no reason whatsoever to prohibit intercourse during this period.

Hint of Green. I would like to pose a question to Mr. Dodds. Do you discuss chafing in the genital region with normal women?

They're So Defensive. The Little Girl and the Wolf by James Thurber

One afternoon a big wolf waited in a dark forest for a little girl to come along carrying a basket of food to her grandmother. Finally a little girl did come along and she was carrying a basket of food. "Are you carrying the basket to your grandmother?" asked the wolf. The little girl said yes, she was. So the wolf asked her where her grandmother lived and the little girl told him and he disappeared into the wood.

When the little girl opened the door of her grandmother's house she saw that there was somebody in bed with a nightcap and nightgown on. She had approached no nearer than twenty-five feet from the bed when she saw that it was not her grandmother but the wolf, for even in a nightcap a wolf does not look any more like your grandmother than the Metro-Goldwyn lion looks like Calvin Coolidge. So the little girl took an automatic out of her basket and shot the wolf dead.

Moral: It is not so easy to fool little girls nowadays as it used to be.

Eating. When in Rome, do as the roMANS do.

Etiquette. Excuse, please, and thank you separate us from the rest of the animals.

What Guys Should Say. Silence is golden.

What They Talk About. Mr. Dodds, I would like to extend an invitation to you to run with me to talk about sex.

Secret Girls Training. Gracian advises: "Don't reveal too much - and keep them dependent on you."

Warning. Compositions such as Mr. Dodds may cause staining of the mind.

The stains are temporary. They will disappear without further exposure.

Is There More? I hope not.

Concluding Thoughts. Ayn Rand said: "Man has been taught that it is a virtue to agree with others. But the creator is the man who disagrees."

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