The Nash Rambler

Save the Nash Rambler!

Save a national treasure! Once it is gone, it is gone. The Nash Rambler in the Do Loop is in critical need of your support. Only you can save the Nash Rambler!

The Virginia Happy Trails Running Club has formed "Save Our Nash Rambler Please" (SONRAP). Yes, your freewill, tax deductible contribution to SONRAP will be used to restore and preserve this important piece of American history. After taking out a very small portion for overhead, salaries, beer, and legal expenses your donation will go to:

  • A new paint job
  • Removing the stains on the back seat
  • Putting an American flag decal and a "God, Guns, and Guts Made America Great!" sticker on the bumper
  • Removing the used condoms and Brew 102 cans
  • Installing a bitchin sound system
  • Putting a surfboard rack on the roof
  • Registering it in a state with no personal property tax and that gives you both back and front license plates. (Don't Pennsylvania and North Carolina have any prisoners? Can't those cheap states come up with front license plates? Their DMVs must be taking bribes from the companies that make the plates with the woman in the cocktail glass or with "USMC.")

You can participate in the important work of SONRAP. Your donation will ensure that future generations will know what the high point of American automotive design was. You can help save this masterpiece. Your contribution will be recognized for all time on a plaque that will be affixed to the bumper with duct tape. You may give at any of the following levels:

  • CEO Circle--Over $1 million (Most people are giving at this level. You will want to join them.)
  • Beach Boys Buddies--Half million to one million
  • American Graffiti Associates--$10,000 to $500,000
  • Surfer--$5,000 to $9,999
  • Greaser--$1,000 to $4,999
  • Nerd (Lowest Level we won't give you trouble about)--$101 to $999
  • Cheap piece of crap--$50 - $100

(Note: Don't even think of donating less than $50, you cheap skate!)

All contributors to SONRAP will be allowed a free tour of the Walt Disney's Nash Rambler AmericaTM once each year. Normal tour price is $39.95 ($42 with AAA card; $53 for active duty military; special student rates for classes with cute teachers). On the tour, you will get to see the following cool stuff:

The Push Button Transmission! Remember those? Push the wrong button and you run over Fido. How cool is this?

The Instrument Cluster: This is high tech. We will even fix the gas gauge so it looks as if the tank is full.

The Glove Box: How many girls looked at this and said to themselves, "This zitty guy is dreaming if he things he is getting to 'First Base'!"

The Bench Seat: What more is there to say? Now that girls can come to your dorm room, who needs a bench seat? But back then...

Please send your generous donation to:

Joseph Clapper
President, Virginia Happy Trails Running Club
General Delivery
Costa Rica

Cruisin in the RamblerYour donation should be in small bills with non-sequential serial numbers. Please also include your daytime phone so we will have some numbers to play the lottery with.

Tax Deductibility: Your donation is fully tax deductible as authorized by law. We suggest that you not read the law so that they can't get you for willful tax fraud. If you claim your donation as a tax deduction and get audited, SONRAP will stand with you. Call us in Costa Rica and we will fax you a legal brief that will impress the IRS. We guarantee it! When you send in your donation, please indicate whether you need a receipt for tax purposes. We get extra money for turning you into the IRS as a tax cheat.

Match your Donation: Some companies are stupid enough to match your donation to SONRAP. These companies are doing bad things and want people on their side when they get caught. We already have a nice check here from Enron that we are taking to the bank tomorrow.

Volunteer Opportunities: There are many things you can do to help restore the Nash Rambler -- sanding, painting, changing the oil, wiping up the stains of love, etc. But none of these will help us buy beer. So don't bother.

Remember, only you can save this national icon. When the cool dudes took their dates out in a Chevy 409, you got stuck with this piece of shit. When you wheeled up with this sucker, your date knew you were a loser. You tried anyway. You drove her off into the woods stuck. You and she had a long walk home. Next week, she got a date with the 409 guy, married him, had three kids with him, divorced him, took him for all he is worth, and now lives in Loundon county and dates the pool boy. You? You work at the Commerce Department.

Save the Nash Rambler!

The VHTRC Bear© Save Our Nash Rambler Please, Inc.
All Rights Reserved
Authorized by the SONRAP Committee.
You may think that we are a candy ass charity
but we will sue your butt if you mess with us.